"Now, If You Attempt to Stop Him, I Swear Before God I'll Shoot You!"

"The Burglar."
By Tom Masson (1866-1934).
First appearance: The Smart Set, June 1903.
Online HERE.

A burglar, a woman, a necklace, a detective, and an absent husband—there's more going on here than first meets the eye:

. . . As the burglar picked up the candlestick once more, he turned and faced the bed. With her head on the lace pillow, a beautiful woman lay sleeping. It was rather an interesting situation. There was the burglar, with the mask over his face to conceal his identity, and the hundred-thousand-dollar necklace, that the woman's husband had given her, loosely thrown in his pocket. There was the woman quietly sleeping as if nothing in the world was the matter; and there was the detective, watching—and waiting.  . . .

"The Great Bingtop Mystery: In Which Our Modern Methods Are Revealed."
By Tom Masson (1866-1934).
Found in Well, Why Not! (1921), pages 154-158.
Online HERE.

Another burglary, this one a little closer to home:

MR. BUNCUM POTTS, the world-famous detective, sat in his office one morning at nine o'clock, nonchalantly, as was his habit, tapping his pencil on his pink blotter, when the bell rang, and there was ushered in a short, stout man, very much out of breath.

"I have a very remarkable case to report to you," said the short, stout man. "Last night I was robbed."  . . .

Resource:
- There's a rather abrupt Wikipedia article about humorist Tom Masson HERE.

Category: Thefts with an ironic slant