"You Don't Mean to Tell Me That You Drench That Rag with Chloroform and Put It Over People's Faces?"

"The Escaping Burglar."
By Don Marquis (1878-1937).
First appearance: Collier's, May 12, 1928.
Reprinted in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, August 1954, as "The Iron Hand in the Velvet Glove."
Short short short story (2 pages).
Online at UNZ starting (HERE) and finishing (HERE; scroll down to page 58).

"You can't smoke cigarettes in bed, any more than you can eat crackers, without unpleasant results."

A burglar should always be careful about whom he intends to burgle—very careful . . . very, very careful . . .

~ ~ ~

"An Old Charge."
By Don Marquis (1878-1937).
First appearance: Collier's, August 4, 1928.
Reprinted in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine, January 1983.
Short short short story (3 pages).
Online at UNZ starting (HERE) and finishing (HERE).

"Who would have thought the bum was worth $60,000 in his stocking feet?"

We're always telling ourselves that we'll do better, that if we can just get that lucky break life will be different; for Malkin, it's practically a prayer—and when, at long last, that chance does come along, the only things standing between him and a better life are a drunken bum and a gun . . .

Resources:
- Wikipedia has more about the life of Donald Robert Perry Marquis (HERE), who had the distinction of having a ship of the United States Navy to be named for him (HERE).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~