By Lawrence Schimel (born 1971).
First appearance: Sherlock Holmes in Orbit (1995).
Reprinted in The Dragon Done It (2008).Reprints page (HERE).
Short short short story (3 pages as a PDF).
Online at Baen Books (HERE).
"You might write in your notes that he died of consumption, if you're willing to interpret the term loosely."There's more than one way for justice to be served; take, for instance, in Alice's mixture of cherry tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, and toffee—nor, she reminds us, should we forget the hot buttered toast and the most important ingredient of all, Dinah, of the furry persuasion . . .
- Our author has been publishing SFF since 1990; see the ISFDb (HERE) for more.
HERE; a couple of mouse clicks might be necessary)
is heavily referenced in our story, while it and a children's classic (HERE) both get the postmodern treatment.
The bottom line: "Children seem to me a remarkable race. They want so much to murder so many people, and they so rarely murder anybody at all."
― Rebecca West