"Here and There, Light-years from Earth, Were Little Worlds Without Women—and Not Happy About It"

AT THE VERY LEAST, getting something done in this world requires these particular elements as an absolute minimum: the will to get it done, the materials to do it, and the people to accomplish it. Today's story focuses on that last element, when a careless wheeler-dealer learns the hard way to . . .

"Accept No Substitutes."

By Robert Sheckley (1928-2005; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; the SFE HERE; and the IMDb HERE).

First appearance: Infinity Science Fiction, March 1958.

Illustrated by Ed Emsh (1925-90; ISFDb HERE).

Short story (11 pages).

Online at SFFAudio (HERE).

   "At point-blank range, Garvey fired his last shot."

MORALE is a vital component in any organized endeavor. When it comes to settling the Final Frontier, it can be the difference between success and failure—or even death. The would-be morale-booster in today's tale, however, chooses to ignore what are clearly warning signs of an imminent major fubar situation . . .

Main characters:

~ Ralph Garvey ("Perhaps real girls were best, after all"), Eddie Starbuck ("Look, boy, you'd better see a doctor. You aren't looking so good"), Edward Danzer ("give yourself up now, while there's still time. And remember: crime does not pay"), and the surrogate ("gave no sign of understanding").

References:

- Astronomical mentions (Wikipedia links): Cassiopeia (HERE), Algol (HERE), Deneb (HERE), Venus (HERE), Mars (HERE), and Titan (HERE).

- "stimulus-response mechanisms":

  "The stimulus–response model is a conceptual framework in psychology that describes how individuals react to external stimuli. According to this model, an external stimulus triggers a reaction in an organism, often without the need for conscious thought. This model emphasizes the mechanistic aspects of behavior, suggesting that behavior can often be predicted and controlled by understanding and manipulating the stimuli that trigger responses." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "conditioned reflexes":

  "As an adaptive mechanism, emotional conditioning helps shield an individual from harm or prepare it for important biological events such as sexual activity. Thus, a stimulus that has occurred before sexual interaction comes to cause sexual arousal, which prepares the individual for sexual contact." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "What passed for a tender love embrace on Algol would probably fracture the ribs of an Earthman":

  Years after this story, TV aliens have been shown to have similar proclivities:

  "Klingon mating rituals involve dominant and combative attitudes and rituals. In the constructed Klingon language, parmaqqaypu' (singular parmaqqay) are chosen mates for dedicated recreational sexual congress. As The Doctor from Voyager commented, it is considered a good omen if a clavicle is broken during the wedding night. In Star Trek films and series, a Klingon biting someone indicates their desire to mate.

  "In the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode 'The Dauphin,' Worf states that the mating ritual consists of a woman roaring, throwing things at the male, and occasionally clawing at him while the male reads love poetry and 'ducks a lot'." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "The men grew sullen, quarrelsome, violent":

  We're thinking that "Mudd's Women" (from Star Trek, 1966; WARNING! SPOILERS! Wikipedia HERE) might have been inspired by today's story.

- Another TV show that concerned human-nonhuman intimacy is "The Lonely" (from The Twilight Zone, 1959; WARNING! SPOILERS! Wikipedia HERE).

Resource:

- Robert Sheckley also dealt with marital relations in another story, "The Special Exhibit" (HERE).

The bottom line:

GALACTIC EXTERMINATORS
For Those Hard-to-Reach Places

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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