LONGTIME readers of ONTOS may remember Philo Gubb, a walking talking inverted parody of Sherlock Holmes and the brainchild of irrepressibly humorous Ellis Parker Butler; but Gubb wasn't Butler's only sendup of Great Detectives. Behold . . .
(1) "Oliver Spotts, Near-Detective."
By Ellis Parker Butler (1869-1937; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; FictionMags HERE; Project Gutenberg HERE; the IMDb HERE; and the Ellis Parker Butler website HERE). Illustrated by Rodney M. de Sarro (1908-88).
First appearance: The Illustrated Detective Magazine, January 1931.
Online at the Ellis Parker Butler website (HERE).
"Instantly the door was thrown open and he was faced by Old Cap Cuff, who thrust two huge automatics into his face."
IN sleepy little Mud Cove not only have clams gone missing but so has a valuable first edition of a detective novel. It's said that some great detectives are born, others are made, but in Oliver's case it's largely a matter of chloroform . . .
Principal characters:
~ Oliver Spotts ("Even in his nightshirt he had the appearance of a serious-minded bantam rooster—an exceedingly gentle one"), Lotta ("Have you got a clue yet?"), Old Cap Cuff ("A crime has been committed, Spotts—a dastardly crime!"), Emmaline ("screamed and dropped the basket of clams and fell to the floor in a faint"), Phelim Dale ("It is true that there are some collectors who will go to any lengths to gain possession of what they covet, and Phelim Dale had yielded to just such a temptation"), Isobel Dale ("took from her bosom the missing first edition"), and Mortimer Quince ("had a very mean nature").
(2) "$100 Thousand Reward; Oliver Spotts, Near-Detective."
By Ellis Parker Butler (1869-1937).
Illustrated by Rodney M. de Sarro (1908-88).
First appearance: The Illustrated Detective Magazine, February 1931.
Online at the Ellis Parker Butler website (HERE).
"In the detective business you don't never know how things is going to end up . . ."
A DOG, this one a "pup-pup-Pekingese," has gone missing in sleepy Mud Cove, and Old Cap Cuff selects from the student body of the Cornelius Cuff College for Detectives a handful of tutees to work the case. Although a canine shows up (a hitherto unknown-to-science Cape Cod clam-hound), it's not the missing pooch. Eventually, as one student notes, even the smartest criminals always slip up somewhere; here it involves careless scribblings and a scrap of cloth . . .
Principal characters:
~ Oliver Spotts ("had given the wrong answer to the only question Old Cap had asked him in that class the day before"), Old Cap Cuff ("At the rate you're going, Spotts, you'll be a detective in about one million years"), Mr. Clancy ("The criminal—even the shrewdest criminal—always makes some slip that leads inevitably to his detection"), Emmaline ("the college cook, going through the halls ringing the big dinner bell"), Mrs. Elmus Cutminster ("has, of course, notified the police, but she expects nothing from them"), the tall thin man ("wore a dark suit that was extremely shabby and a black derby hat that had seen far better days"), the plump man ("was clad in a suit of light gray plaid and had a soft gray felt hat on his head"), and a dog ("A full-blood Cape Cod clam-hound. Now, this here hound he noses out the places where the clams are and saves you a lot of time").
Reference:
- "Cadwallader G. Vanderbilt" is fictional, but readers in 1931 would be familiar with the real Vanderbilts (Wikipedia HERE).
(3) "The Third-Grade Watson."
By Ellis Parker Butler (1869-1937).
Illustrated by Rodney M. de Sarro (1908-88).
First appearance: The Illustrated Detective Magazine, March 1931.
Online at the Ellis Parker Butler website (HERE).
"We call them Watsons, because the one Sherlock Holmes had was named Dr. Watson, but every detective has got to have one."
"A MOST important case of crime has come up," announces Old Cap Cuff portentously, "and the full resources of this college have been asked to solve the baffling mystery." Baffling it is, necessitating that the miscreant responsible perform a close shave in the nighttime without being noticed; and it might have worked if the perpetrator hadn't ignored a forensic principle formulated by a French criminologist . . .
Principal characters:
~ Oliver Spotts ("I bet you ain't such a fool as you look"), Old Cap Cuff ("One safety razor of white metal, stamped 'Patented Aug. 6, 1922,'" said Old Cap Cuff, taking the razor apart. "One steel blade for same. Said razor and blade show no fingerprints"), Jed Hullins ("The police is baffled, by hecky! Yes, sir, we're baffled right up to the neck!"), Mlle. Duflay ("owns a mule, a mule that had performed upon the stage before millions and before the crowned heads of Europe"), Orlando Morez ("I make sing for opera, for concert—beautiful music. Of the voice, so—tra-la-la-la!"), Jadwin Bleeks ("This terrible outrage, gentlemen," he said, "has got to be punished"), Henry W. Scummins ("took a roll of bills from his pocket and handed Old Cap Cuff a couple of thousand dollars for board, tuition and expenses, and having said farewell to Ethelbert he entered his limousine and was driven away"), Ethelbert ("I haven't done a thing all my life but play the sax and read detective mystery novels. I can out-Wat any Watson you ever heard of"), and Woppo ("Hee-haw hee-haw hee-haw e-aw-aw-aw-aw-aw").
References:
- "the world's only educated mule" (HERE). "Mules are reputed to exhibit a higher cognitive intelligence than both of their parent species [donkeys and horses], but robust scientific evidence to back up these claims is lacking."
- "a Rudy Vallee effect" (HERE).
(4) "The Ace of Death."
By Ellis Parker Butler (1869-1937).
Illustrated by Rodney M. de Sarro (1908-88).
First appearance: The Illustrated Detective Magazine, May 1931.
Online at the Ellis Parker Butler website (HERE).
"I'd call it an inside-out case."
OMINOUS death threats are coming from somewhere and in an unusual fashion, scribbled on playing cards. Also unusual are the transformations in hair color that the threatened individual is experiencing. Could the two phenomena be related to each other? You bet they are, and you can also bet that Oliver Spotts, despite being a perfect example of a Near-Detective, will somehow amaze us by connecting them together . . .
Principal characters:
~ Tutham Brunch ("was an elderly and wealthy bachelor and in his youth he had been so miserably treated by a young lady that he thereafter hated all women. He would not even have a woman cook in his house and after a long series of other male cooks—white, yellow, brown and black—he had found Silas"), Silas ("made the most delicious clam pies ever tasted by man"), George Washington Bimm ("Silas' helper"), Jessica Bimm ("works into the hygrometer factory and young Wash Bimm is her brother"), Oliver Spotts ("Dressed in his best clothes and wearing a huge white apron Oliver Spotts looked more than ever like a bantam rooster"), Ethelbert Scummins ("a recently admitted student in Old Cap Cuff's College for Detectives, and the only student Old Cap Cuff had ever considered too dumb to learn detecting"), Captain Jed Hullins ("consider yourself under arrest"), Lotta ("What kind of fool nonsense is this, I'd like to know?"), and Old Cap Cuff ("Your brother is merely arrested for attempting to poison Mr. Tutham Brunch").
(5) "The Crime at Crossways."
By Ellis Parker Butler (1869-1937).
Illustrated by Rodney M. de Sarro (1908-88).
First appearance: The Illustrated Detective Magazine, June 1931.
Unavailable online.
(6) "The Heckby Hill Murder."
By Ellis Parker Butler (1869-1937).
Illustrated by Rodney M. de Sarro (1908-88).
First appearance: The Illustrated Detective Magazine, September 1931.
Online at the Ellis Parker Butler website (HERE).
"The Heckby Hill murder was one of the most astonishing cases ever investigated by Oliver Spotts, the Near-Detective of Mud Cove, Long Island. It was a brazen affair for it was committed in full view of fifty-six detectives, one half of the police force of Mud Cove, and Emmaline, the cook of Old Cap Cuff's College for Detectives. In full view of all these people Antonio Bellotti was shot to death."
SOME old sayings seem to have outlasted their usefulness. Take, for instance, "Seeing is believing," and then consult just about any stage magician, Hollywood producer, or politician; they'll probably laugh in your face. So when it comes to the all-too-public assassination of a reclusive movie star, nobody thinks it could be otherwise. Even Oliver Spotts buys it—until the refutation literally crawls in through the window . . .
Principal characters:
~ Antonio Bellotti ("He will never act again. He is as dead as the dickens!"), Lotta ("Well, corpse or not," said Miss Spotts, "tell him not to talk so loud; I want to get my sleep"), Chief Jed Hullins ("you won't have to catch the murderers, because there ain't any. Not now, there ain't"), the strange client ("I'm not used to detective ways, sir"), Mrs. Polly Hoffburger and Oscar ("Quack! Quack!"), Ethelbert Scummins ("Oliver Spotts has solved the mystery of Heckby Hill"), Oliver Spotts ("'Movie Actress Drops Dead in Hollywood. Lucette Milldew, Divorced Wife of Antonio Bellotti, Dies Suddenly'"), and Old Cap Cuff ("you're good. I'll say that much—you're good").
References:
- "Sweet Adeline" (HERE). - "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" (HERE). - "The Star-Spangled Banner" (HERE). - "a Valentine" [sic: Valentino] (HERE).
Resources:
- Although the locale is on Long Island, the dialect of English that the folks of Mud Cove seem to be speaking is a variant New York accent (HERE), which has its own convolutions. - We first encountered Philo Gubb near the start of this weblog (HERE). A non-Gubb adventure with crime is (HERE). And a different sleuth residing in the Middle East reminded us of P. G. (HERE).
The bottom line:
Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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