"I Don't Like Robot Waiters"

"The Deceivers."

(a.k.a. "Intent To Deceive").

By Larry Niven (born 1938).

Illustrated by Gaughan (1930-85; ISFDb HERE).

First appearance: Galaxy, April 1968.

Reprints page (ISFDb HERE).

Short short story (7 pages).

Online at The Luminist Archives (HERE; go to text page 148).

   "Waiters weren't invented. They evolved, like computers."

IF you had the experience that Lucas Garner claims he's had, you'd probably never want to look another robot or, for that matter, another shrimp cocktail in the face . . .

Main characters:

~ Lucas Garner ("was glaring his extreme distaste at a target which could only have been the robot waiter"), Lloyd Masney ("What's to get used to? They're waiters. They bring food"), the robot waiter ("was a standard make"), and Dreamer Glass ("There he was, knowing nothing about computers, but all ready to go out and sell them").

References and resources:

- "a Ray Bradbury Mars":

  "The Martian Chronicles is a science fiction fix-up novel, published in 1950, by American writer Ray Bradbury that chronicles the exploration and settlement of Mars, the home of indigenous Martians, by Americans leaving a troubled Earth that is eventually devastated by nuclear war." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "an Arm of the UN":

  "The ARM is the police force of the United Nations. ARM originated as an acronym for 'Amalgamation of Regional Militia' . . . Their basic function is to enforce mandatory birth control on overcrowded Earth, and restrict research which might lead to dangerous weapons. In short, the ARM hunts down women who have illegal pregnancies and suppresses all new technologies. They also hunt organleggers, especially in the era of the 'organ bank problem." (Wikipedia HERE.) Also see the Larry Niven Wiki (HERE).

- "the organ banks":

  "Organ theft is a common trope in science fiction and wider speculative fiction, having been popularized by the Known Space universe created by Larry Niven, where it is called 'organlegging', a portmanteau of 'organ' and 'bootlegging'. Due to organ transplantation becoming safe and universally effective, a huge potential black market in body parts was able to be exploited by murderous racketeers." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "a bigger and better automat":

  They've been around for quite a while:

  "An automat is a type of fast-food restaurant where food and drink are served through a vending machine, typically without waitstaff. The world's first automat, Quisisana, opened in Berlin, Germany in 1895." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "to get back in Quentin":

  Thanks mainly to the movies, it's one of the most famous lockups in the world:

  "Established in 1852, and opening in 1854, San Quentin is the oldest prison in California. The state's only death row for male inmates, the largest in the United States, was located at the prison. Its gas chamber has not been used since 1993, and its lethal injection chamber was last used in 2006. The prison has been featured on film, radio drama, video, podcast, and television; is the subject of many books; has hosted concerts; and has housed many notorious inmates." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "an endless supply of canapes Lorenzo":

  "The name [canape] comes from the French word for sofa, drawing on the analogy that the garnish sits atop the bread as people do on a sofa." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- Can all robots be considered trustworthy? Can any of them? A time traveler, his curvaceous companion, and an unsuspecting shipload of quarrelsome narcissists find out the hard way that, no, they can't be (HERE). You can see even more robots running amuck in this movie (WARNING! SPOILERS! HERE).

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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