"This Is To Inform the Public That in Connection with Mr. Barnum I Have Leased the Comet for a Term of Years"

SATIRISTS regard anything and everything as grist for their mill, so when a celestial object comes along creating a mild panic no self-respecting humorist could let that pass. A good example would be . . .

"A Curious Pleasure Excursion."

By Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens, 1835-1910; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; the SFE HERE; and the IMDb HERE).

First appearance: The New York Herald Tribune, July 6, 1874.

Reprinted in Fantasy and Science Fiction, June 1961 (today's text).

Reprints page (ISFDb HERE).

Short short short story (4 pages).

Online at The Luminist Archives (HERE; go to text page 60).

   "And, at all events, if we cannot inspire love we shall, at least, compel respect for our country wherever we go."

OUR author gets in a few digs at some of his bêtes noire, including religion, foreign policy, and politicians that he found distasteful.

References:

- "Louis Armstrong" (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "Weather Bird" (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "the 'Comet Scare' in the summer of 1874"; "Mr. Coggia":

  "The public scare regarding the comet [C/1874 H1 (Coggia)] was satirized by Mark Twain in his short story 'A Curious Pleasure Excursion'." (Wikipedia HERE.) Comets have always been of interest to the public, and fictioneers like Twain have not been slack in exploiting that interest. (Wikipedia HERE.) 

- "Mr. Barnum" (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "the tenth or twentieth magnitude" (Wikipedia HERE.)

- Astronomical references (Wikipedia links):

  "Jupiter" (HERE); "Saturn" (HERE); "Venus" (HERE); "Uranus" (HERE); "Mars" (HERE); "Mercury" (HERE); "THE DOG STAR" (HERE); "the Great Bear" (HERE); "Moon" (HERE); "the Milky Way" (HERE); and "constellations" (HERE).

- "General Butler" (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "Mr. Hale, of Maine" (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "Mr. Shepherd" (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "Mr. Richardson": Without a given name or a title we have no idea who this person was, so take your pick from these (Wikipedia links): (HERE), (HERE), (HERE), or (HERE).

Resources:

- About eighty-two years after he died, Mark Twain made an unexpected appearance in a two-part episode of a sci-fi TV show (WARNING! SPOILERS! Wikipedia HERE).

- Off and on during his prodigious writing career Mark Twain dabbled in what would later be termed "science fiction," today's story being an example. Twain's SFF was definitively (we think) collected in 2003 in Tales of Wonder, from which we extract its table of contents (ISFDb):

  Introduction (The Science Fiction of Mark Twain) • (1984) • essay by David Ketterer

  ix • Texts and Acknowledgments (The Science Fiction of Mark Twain) • (1984) • essay by David Ketterer

  xiii • Introduction (Tales of Wonder) • (2003) • essay by David Ketterer

  3 • Petrified Man • (1862) • short story by Mark Twain

  4 • Earthquake Almanac • (1865) • short story by Mark Twain

  6 • A Curious Pleasure Excursion • (1874) • short story by Mark Twain

 10 • The Curious Republic of Gondour • (1870) • short story by Mark Twain

 14 • Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven • (1907) • novelette by Mark Twain (variant of Extract from Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven)

 61 • The Loves of Alonzo Fitz Clarence and Rosannah Ethelton • (1878) • short story by Mark Twain

 77 • Time Travel Contexts from A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court • (1984) • short fiction by Mark Twain

 96 • Mental Telegraphy • (1891) • short story by Mark Twain

112 • Mental Telegraphy Again • (1895) • short story by Mark Twain

117 • My Platonic Sweetheart • (1912) • short story by Mark Twain

127 • From the "London Times" of 1904 • (1898) • short story by Mark Twain

139 • The Great Dark • (1942) • novelette by Mark Twain

176 • The Secret History of Eddypus, the World-Empire • (1972) • novella by Mark Twain

226 • Sold to Satan • (1923) • short story by Mark Twain

233 • 3,000 Years Among the Microbes • (1966) • novella by Mark Twain (variant of Three Thousand Years Among the Microbes)

327 • "The Mysterious Balloonist" • (1975) • short fiction by Mark Twain

331 • Synopsis of "A Murder, a Mystery, and a Marriage" • (1945) • short fiction by Mark Twain

334 • "The Generation Iceberg" • (1935) • short fiction by Mark Twain

335 • Shackleford's Ghost • (1984) • short story by Mark Twain

338 • "History 1,000 Years from Now" • (1972) • short story by Mark Twain

341 • Explanatory Notes (The Science Fiction of Mark Twain) • (1984) • essay by David Ketterer

381 • Selected Bibliography (The Science Fiction of Mark Twain) • (1984) • essay by David Ketterer.

- It was very recently that we encountered Twain's take on the awful demise of a Roman bigwig (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento.

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"Et Tu, Brute?"

HERE we have, as inaccurately as it can be related, the might-have-been-but-wasn't man-on-the-spot reportage of a world-shaking event, namely . . .

"The Killing of Julius Caesar 'Localized'."

By Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens, 1835-1910; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; the SFE HERE; and the IMDb HERE).

First appearance: The Californian, November 12, 1864.

Reprinted in The Master Thriller Series #13, Tales of the Levant, July 1936.

Short story (11 pages).

Online at SFFAudio (HERE; go to text page 99).

   "Nothing in the world affords a newspaper reporter so much satisfaction as gathering up the details of a bloody and mysterious murder, and writing them up with aggravated circumstantiality."

Named individuals (most of them real, amazingly enough):

~ Pompey (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Casca (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Marcus Brutus (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Cassius (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Demosthenes (Wikipedia HERE) 

~ Thucydides (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Artemidorus (?)

~ Decius Brutus (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Papilius Lena (Wikipedia HERE):

  "Popillius Laenas, a senator whose conversation with Caesar on the Ides of March, 44 BC, made Brutus and the other assassins fear that their conspiracy had been revealed; he appears in Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar as 'Popilius Lena'."

~ George W. Cassius (?)

~ Billy Trebonius (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Mark Antony (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Cinna (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Metellus Cimber (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Publius (uncertain; Wikipedia HERE)

~ Caius Legarius (Wikipedia HERE)

~ Nervii (Wikipedia HERE)

~ and, of course, Julius Caesar (Wikipedia HERE):

  "Julius Caesar, the Roman dictator, was assassinated on the Ides of March (15 March), 44 BC, by a group of senators during a Senate session at the Curia of Pompey, located within the Theatre of Pompey in Rome. The conspirators, numbering 60 individuals and led by Marcus Junius Brutus, Gaius Cassius Longinus, and Decimus Junius Brutus Albinus, stabbed Caesar approximately 23 times. They justified the act as a preemptive defense of the Roman Republic, asserting that Caesar's accumulation of lifelong political authority—including his perpetual dictatorship and other honors—threatened republican traditions. The assassination failed to achieve its immediate objective of restoring the Republic's institutions. Instead, it precipitated Caesar's posthumous deification, triggered the Liberators' civil war (43–42 BC) between his supporters and the conspirators, and contributed to the collapse of the Republic. These events ultimately culminated in the rise of the Roman Empire under Augustus, marking the beginning of the Principate era."

References:

- "Julius Caesar":

  Thanks to Shakespeare the ghost of Julius Caesar is still with us.

  "Gaius Julius Caesar (12 or 13 July 100 BC – 15 March 44 BC) was a Roman general and statesman who was the dictator of the Roman Republic at various points from 49 BC until his assassination in 44 BC. A member of the First Triumvirate, he led the Roman armies through the Gallic Wars and defeated his political rival Pompey in Caesar’s civil war. He consolidated power and proclaimed himself dictator perpetuo (dictator for life) in 44 BC, which contributed to the political conditions that led to the collapse of the Roman Republic and the emergence of the Roman Empire. For his role in these events, he is regarded as one of the most influential historical figures." (Wikipedia HERE). Shakespeare's play is (Folger Shakespeare Library HERE).

- Caesar kept secrets. See the cryptological system that he used and is named after him (Wikipedia HERE).

Resource:

- It's hard to believe that the only time we ever fully engaged with Mark Twain's fiction was over a dozen years ago (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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"Nothing in This Modern Life of Ours Is More Remarkable Than the Way in Which the Mystery Novel Has Gripped the Public."

THE MULLINERS have had more than their share of adventures in an unsuspecting society, but for the sheer number of thrills, chills, and boudoir incursions none of them can top . . .

"Strychnine in the Soup."

By P. G. Wodehouse (1881-1975; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; the SFE HERE; and WARNING! SPOILERS! the IMDb HERE). 

First appearance: The American Magazine, December 1931, as "The Missing Mystery" (WARNING! SPOILERS! Wikipedia HERE).

Reprinted in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, February 1952 (today's text).

Filmed for TV in 1976 (IMDb HERE).

Other reprints:

  The Strand Magazine, March 1932

  Mulliner Nights, 1933

  The Best of Wodehouse, 1949

  Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine (Australia) #58, April 1952

  The World of Mr. Mulliner, 1972

  Wodehouse on Crime, 1981 (about which HERE)

  Murder at Teatime, 1996.

Short story (16 pages).

Online at The Luminist Archives (HERE; go to text page 81).

   "Your true enthusiast, deprived of his favorite reading, will stop at nothing in order to get it. He is like a victim of the drug habit when withheld from cocaine."

. . . and with this pronouncement Mr. Mulliner prefaces the thrilling account of how his nephew Cyril crossed swords with his true love's mother not only over a copy of the latest detective thriller but also over his unquenchable desire to marry her daughter; and of how, despite tremendous odds, the two situations coincided . . . no, make that collided . . .

Main characters:

~ The Draught Stout, Mr. Mulliner, the Small Lager, Cyril Mulliner, Amelia Bassett, Lady Bassett, Sir Mortimer and Lady Wingham, the Simpson couple, Lester Mapledurham, and the butler (who didn't do it).

References:

- "Strychnine" (Wikipedia HERE).

- "She reminded Cyril of Wallace Beery":

  A great actor who went amazingly far in movies without possessing the requisite leading man looks. (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "the chief of the lower Isisi":

  No particular tribe that we can locate.

- "he had once met Dorothy L. Sayers" (Wikipedia HERE) and (ONTOS HERE).

- "this isn't the Victorian Age" (Wikipedia HERE and HERE):

  "In Great Britain, elsewhere in Europe, and in the United States, the notion that marriage should be based on romantic love and companionship rather than convenience, money, or other strategic considerations grew in popularity during the Victorian period."

- "patent medicines":

  "The term is sometimes still used to describe quack remedies of unproven effectiveness and questionable safety sold especially by peddlers in past centuries, who often also called them elixirs, tonics, or liniments. Current examples of quack remedies are sometimes called nostrums or panaceas, but easier-to-understand terms like scam cure-all, or pseudoscience are more common." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "a distinct suggestion of Victor McLaglen":

  "His film career spanned from the early 1920s through the 1950s, initially as a leading man, though he was better known for his character acting." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "to put on any dog":

  An expression that's quickly fading away. (Wiktionary HERE.)

- "playing This Little Pig Went to Market":

  "It was the eighth most popular nursery rhyme in a 2009 survey in the United Kingdom." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "books of Ba-ha-ism":

  "Baháʼís regard the world's major religions as fundamentally unified in their purpose, but divergent in their social practices and interpretations." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "the Lesser Iguanodon":

  Wodehouse almost certainly knew that this lizard only existed in fossil rocks.

  "Iguanodon was a large, bulky herbivore, measuring up to 9–11 metres (30–36 ft) in length and 4.5 metric tons (5.0 short tons) in body mass. Distinctive features include large thumb spikes, which were possibly used for defense against predators, combined with long prehensile fifth fingers able to forage for food." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "the Lower Zambezi":

  "The Zambezi (also spelled Zambeze and Zambesi) is the fourth-longest river in Africa, the longest east-flowing river in Africa and the largest flowing into the Indian Ocean from Africa." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "a charging rhinoceros":

  "Rhinoceroses are among the largest living land animals, with living species ranging in average weight from 775 kilograms (1,709 lb) in the Sumatran rhinoceros, to 2,300 kilograms (5,100 lb) in the white rhinoceros." (Wikipedia HERE.)

- "a distinct look of George Bancroft":

  "George Bancroft (1882-1956) was an American film actor, whose career spanned seventeen years from 1925 to 1942. A star of pre-Code Hollywood, he is best known as the tough guy lead in four Josef von Sternberg films . . ." (Wikipedia HERE.) 

- "a crouching zebu":

  "Zebu, as well as many Sanga cattle, have humps on the shoulders, large dewlaps and droopy ears. Compared to taurine cattle, the zebu is well adapted to the hot tropical savanna climate and steppe environments. These adaptations result in higher tolerance for drought, heat and sunlight exposure." (Wikipedia HERE.)

Resources:

- We encountered P. G. Wodehouse several times early on in this weblog (HERE), (HERE), and (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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"There Was No Paradox at All"

"Two Timer."

Comprised of "Experiment" and "Sentry."

By Fredric Brown (1906-72; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; and the SFE HERE).

First appearance: Galaxy, February 1954.

Illustrated by (David K.) Stone (1922-2001; ISFDb HERE).

Reprints pages:

 "Experiment" (ISFDb HERE)

 "Sentry" (ISFDb HERE).

Short short short stories (2 pages each).

Online at SFFAudio (HERE).

   "The aliens, the only other intelligent race in the Galaxy . . . cruel, hideous and repulsive monsters."

Principal characters:

~ "Experiment": Professor Johnson and his two colleagues.

~ "Sentry": The sentry and the alien.

Resources:

- "Arena" (1944), another, longer, Fredric Brown story, was adapted for television in the sixties (WARNING! SPOILERS! Wikipedia HERE and HERE). The original story is (HERE; SFFAudio).

- Our latest contact with Fredric Brown's oeuvre was "The Last Martian" (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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"Before He Could Rise, I Whirled, Seized a Heavy Rustic Chair and Whanged Him Over the Head with It. That Did It."

"Oh Gargie!"

By Ray Cummings (1887-1957; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; and the SFE HERE).

First appearance: Crack Detective Stories, April 1947.

Short short story (7 pages).

Online at Fadedpage (HERE).

   "A stack of dishes on the lunch counter crashed; an iron saucepan on the stove was drilled so that it let out a clang like a bell."

IT doesn't happen often, but once in a long while somebody comes along to save the day who had no intention of saving anything . . .

Main characters:

~ Alan Trimble, Mary Trimble, Pete and Sandy, Johnny Peters, the burly thug, and Gargie.

References (all from Wikipedia):

- "he ain't exactly Gargantua, is he?":

  Before it became the name of a famous circus animal, which our author probably has in mind (HERE), "Gargantua" was an outsized character in the works of François Rabelais (HERE and HERE).

- "a rhesus monkey":

  "The rhesus macaque is well known to science. Due to its relatively easy upkeep in captivity, wide availability, and closeness to humans anatomically and physiologically, it has been used extensively in medical and biological research on human and animal health-related topics. It has given its name to the Rh factor, one of the elements of a person's blood group, by the discoverers of the factor, Karl Landsteiner and Alexander Wiener." (HERE).

Resource:

- Our latest regular appointment with Raymond King Cummings's fiction was "Death Trail" (HERE).

The bottom line:

The three wise monkeys over the Tōshō-gū shrine in Nikkō, Japan

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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"A Policeman Always Keeps His Eyes Open"

IT'S not that easy to commit . . .

"Crime on Mars."

(a.k.a. "Trouble with Time").

By Arthur C. Clarke (1917-2008; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; and the SFE HERE).

Reprints page as "Crime on Mars" (ISFDb HERE).

Reprints page as "Trouble with Time" (ISFDb HERE).

First appearance: Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, July 1960.

Short short short story (5 pages).

Online at SFFAudio (HERE) and (HERE).

   "No wonder the Goddess is the Solar System's Number One mystery."

HOW do you get away with stealing something when you're 140 million miles from Earth and there's only one way out? A pretty problem for our would-be thief . . .

Principal characters:

~ Detective-Inspector Rawlings, Mr. Maccar, Danny Weaver, and the unnamed narrator.

Typo: "near vaccum".

References (all are from Wikipedia):

- "Phobos" (HERE)

- "Meridian" (HERE); "International Date Line" (HERE)

- "you might as well steal the Mona Lisa" (HERE); "That's happened too" (HERE)

- "Late Canal Period" (HERE)

Sorry. No canals here.

- "a man will die in seconds without protection" (HERE)

- "the Syrtis Major" (HERE)

- "Mars Years" (HERE)

- "the Yard" (HERE).

Resources:

- Here is FictionMags's list of reprints for "Crime on Mars"/"Trouble with Time":

  Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine (Australia) #159, September 1960

  Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine (U.K.) #92, September 1960

  Ellery Queen’s 16th Mystery Annual, 1961

  The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, June 1961

  The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction (U.K.), October 1961

  Tales of Ten Worlds, 1962, as "Trouble with Time"

  Introducing SF: A Science Fiction Anthology, 1964, as "Trouble with Time"

  The Nine Billion Names of God, 1967, as "Trouble with Time"

  Ellery Queen’s Minimysteries, 1969

  Quickie Thrillers, 1975

  The Gourmet Crook Book, 1976

  Masterpieces of Mystery: The Sixties, 1978

  The Evening News Collection (2), 1991, as "Trouble with Time"

  More Than One Universe, 1991, as "Trouble with Time"

  Cyber-Killers, 1997

  Cyber-Killers, 1998

  The Collected Stories, 2001, as "Trouble with Time"

  Fourth Planet from the Sun, 2005.

- One of Arthur C. Clarke's stories was, mirabile dictu, performed on live TV, no less, back in the fifties; see Mystery*File (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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