"Where'd I Get the Idea There Was a String Hanging from That Ceiling Light?"

"Danse Macabre."

By Helen O. Lamont (?-?).

First appearance: Liberty, August 26, 1933.

Illustrator unknown.

Short short short story (1 page).

Online at SFFaudio (HERE).

   "The murderer had climbed the porch roof, gone in a window, strangled the lady in bed, and departed by the front door."

WHEN people speak of enlightenment they are often talking metaphorically, but for a retired policeman the light is altogether a physical reality as well as a clue to solving a murder . . .

Principal characters:

~ Chief Dugan, Fat McFadden, Ritzi Kitzi, Ramon da Silva, and Finnigan.

References:

- "these here crimes passionelles" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "in Flatbush" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "a Palm Beach dress suit" (HERE; George Glazer Gallery).

- "His white shoes, gloves, shirt, and hat are phosphorescent" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "what they call a danse macabre" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "perhaps you read palms?" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "the color of Roquefort cheese" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "little glass radium balls" (HERE; Wikipedia).

Resources:

- This is the only story listing for Helen O. Lamont in FictionMags.

- No doubt you remember the occasion when Sherlock Holmes had to deal with phosphorescence (book HERE; Standard Ebooks). Related ONTOS postings: 

(HERE), (HERE), (HERE), (HERE), (HERE), and (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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"Am I Going Psycho? Or Were Those Voices Real?"

"The Voices."

By Edward Wellen (1919-2011; Wikipedia DE HERE; the ISFDb HERE; and the SFE HERE).

First appearance: Universe Science Fiction, March 1954.

Illustrated by Joseph Eberle (1926-2006; ISFDb HERE).

Reprints page (ISFDb HERE).

Short short short story (3 pages).

Online at SFFaudio (HERE).

   "God. What have I done?"

THERE are people who claim that they have ESP and don't seem to find it a burden, but the central character in today's story might have cause for complaint . . .

Main characters:

~ Nicholas Kane and Mrs. Kane.

References (all links are to Wikipedia):

- "have ESP" (HERE).

- "the bit of graphite" (HERE).

- "mercurochrome and bandage" (HERE).

- "chromium-cobalt alloy" (HERE).

- "crystals of carborundum" (HERE).

- "the galena crystals used in the old crystal radio sets" (HERE).

Resources:

- Edward Wellen's stories swerved between crime fiction and science fiction. He scored big in SF with his "Origins of —" series of "non-fact" spoofs; links to all of them are collected (HERE). Two of his shorter SFnals, "While-You-Wait" and "Finger of Fate," are both covered (HERE), and a crime fiction story, "Bannerman Collection," is (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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"I Knew All Three of the Victims, and I Know the Connection Among Them, and I Know Who’s Doing It, and I Know I’m the Next One To Be Killed."

"The Pun Detective."

By Jon L. Breen (born 1943; French Wikipedia HERE and the ISFDb HERE).

The Pun Detective No. 1.

First appearance: EQMM, April 1977.

Short short short story (3 pages).

Reprinted in The Drowning Ice Cube and Other Stories, 1999 (HERE).

Online at Archive.org (HERE).

   "And now he’s bumping you off one by one, and they haven’t caught him."

In a TV interview Alfred Hitchcock once said, "Puns are the highest form of literature." We won't dispute the Master of Suspense because, like Cleopatra said to Mark Antony, we're not prone to argue. An understandably anxious performer is certain he's next on a hit list and comes to Clement Boore, the Pun Detective himself, for suggestions about how to get stricken from the list without being stricken in other, more unsavory, ways. The solution, of course, is barely a problem for our dedicated punster. (Hint: "Here's looking at you, kid.")

Principal characters (some of them deceased):

~ Clement Boore, Freddy Cosgrove, Monty Baby, George Balin, Andy Schmidt, Clarence Westwood, and Bill Kolmar.

References (most links are to Wikipedia):

- "I'm an impressionist" (HERE).

- "the President" (Jimmy Carter at the time) (HERE); "Bill Buckley" (HERE); "Robert Redford" (HERE); "Humphrey Bogart" (HERE).

- "W. C. Fields" (HERE); "James Cagney" (HERE); "Edward G. Robinson" (HERE).

- "George Brent" (HERE); "Robert Young" (HERE); and "John Ireland" (HERE).

- "break into vaudeville. It’s dead, man" (HERE).

- "at UCLA" (HERE).

- "The fight game" (HERE).

- "stabbed in the parking lot at a pro basketball game” (a slanted reference to EQ's "Mind Over Matter"; see HERE).

- "Making his horse, Strummer, disappear right on stage" (a slanted reference to EQ's "The Trojan Horse"; see HERE: Mike Grost, and HERE: A Website on Deduction).

- "Poisoned hot dog at a baseball game" (a slanted reference to EQ's "Man Bites Dog"; see HERE: Mike Grost, and HERE: A Website on Deduction).

Resources:

- Jon L. Breen has produced only three Pun Detective tales (FictionMags data; vi = vignette).

  "The Pun Detective," (vi) Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, April 1977 (above)

  "The Pun Detective and the Great Seal Mystery," (vi) Cloak-and-Dagger, April 7, 1978

  "The Pun Detective and the Danny Boy Killer," (vi) Mike Shayne Mystery Magazine, March 1982. (Reprinted in Old-Time Detection, Summer 2026. Spring issue outlined HERE).

- Recent ONTOS postings featuring the versatility of Jon L. Breen include "The Lithuanian Eraser Mystery" (HERE), "The Circle Murder Case" (HERE), and his nonfictional "The Ellery Queen Mystery - Why Is the Corpus No Longer Alive?" (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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"After Requesting the Loan of a Magnifying Glass, Leffing Got Down on His Hands and Knees and Crawled Slowly Along the Floor."

"Were You Searched?"

By Joseph Payne Brennan (1918-90; Wikipedia HERE; Tellers of Weird Tales HERE; and the IMDb HERE).

Lucius Leffing No. 6.

First appearance: Mike Shayne Mystery Magazine, October 1965.

Reprinted in The Casebook of Lucius Leffing (ISFDb HERE).

Short short short story (4 pages).

Online at Archive.org (HERE).

   "I am not searching for crevices, Mr. Bainbridge."

SHERLOCK HOLMES was once moved to remark: "Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent"; from it come those "strange coincidences" stemming from "wonderful chains of events" and culminating in "the most outré results." When the Mantzen diamond, valued at twenty thousand dollars, goes missing (fortuitously at just about the same time that private investigator Lucius Leffing's bank account has been nearly depleted), he will have a chance to replenish it by sorting through one of those strange coincidences coming from a wonderful chain of events that will lead to a solution that is splendidly elementary . . .

Main characters (present or mentioned):

~ Lucius Leffing, Brennan, Gerald Mantzen, Lionel Bainbridge, Mr. Steiger, Mr. Harlend, and Mr. Cassman.

Resource:

- Although Joseph Payne Brennan was very prolific in pulpdom, producing nearly two dozen adventures featuring Lucius Leffing alone, we weren't impressed with Leffing's nineteenth adventure (HERE).

The bottom line:

By John Longstaff

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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Testing! Testing!

"Examination Day."

By Henry Slesar (1927-2002; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; the SFE HERE; and the IMDb HERE).
Filmed for TV in 1985 (IMDb HERE).

First appearance: Playboy, February 1958.

Illustration by Leon Bishop.
Reprints page (ISFDb HERE).

Short short short story (2 pages).
Online at SFFaudio (HERE or transcribed HERE).

   "It's just to make sure you answer the questions truthfully. Not that the Government thinks you won't tell the truth, but this stuff makes sure."

WHEN was the last time you took a test? Was it anything like this? "Lights appeared on the machine, and a mechanism whirred. A voice said: 'Complete this sequence. One, four, seven, ten . . .'"

Principal characters:
~ Mr. and Mrs. Jordan, Dickie, and the attendant.

Resources:
- In the past we have and in the future will continue to touch base with Henry Slesar, the latest instance being "The Candidate" (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.
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"He Was Lying in an Aisle Between a Couple of Overturned Chairs, and a Knife Handle Protruded from Between His Shoulder-Blades."

"The Stars Foretell."

By Frank Gruber (1904-69; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; the GAD site HERE; The Thrilling Detective HERE; and the IMDb HERE).

First appearance: Pocket Book Storyteller Weekly, June 25, 1949.

Short short short story (4 pages).

Online at Archive.org (HERE; go to Page Four).

(Note: Some text smeared but legible.)

   "'Six and one dead is seven,' he said aloud. 'That's strange—everyone's here'."

SERGEANT DEERING'S job is on the line, so in order to keep it he needs to do three things: Solve a murder committed in front of more than a half dozen witnesses (including himself!), rightly interpret a bloody dying clue from another murder, and not get himself killed by someone who's way too proficient with a knife . . .

Main characters:

~ Detective-Sergeant Sam Deering, the swarthy assistant, Professor Hyde, L. B. R. Pawling, William Connolly, Simon Gray, Captain Holman and two or three detectives, two lawyers, and the lab man.

Typos: "gradually dimmed the" [what?] "of the room"; "to determmine predictions"; "he gripper it"; "stood frowing".

References:

- "the fundamental rules of astrology" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "the twelve signs of the zodiac" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "an astrolabe" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "by Hipparchus" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "the mariner's sextant" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "the swami" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "the equivalent of a carbon copy" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "a ring of skeleton keys" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "the lift operator" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "a bucket shop" (HERE; Wikipedia).

Resources:

- Frank Gruber definitely earned his status as an uberpulpster. He told us how he did it in The Pulp Jungle (1967), which we highlighted last October (HERE).

- A remarkably similar situation as regards the witnesses to the murder and the murder weapon itself also occurred in a TV episode (WARNING! SPOILERS! HERE; the IMDb).

- Knives as murder weapons and not eating utensils figured heavily in Robert Bloch's "Wolf in the Fold" (HERE and HERE), Allan K. Echols's "The Unseen Death" (HERE), Jeffrey Farnol's "Footprints" (HERE), Marc Connelly's "Coroner's Inquest" (HERE), and Carter Sprague's "The Triangular Blade" (HERE). (Note: This is only a partial list.)

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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"And That Was Rather Strange, Because It Was Murder That Brought Him Here."

"Killer."

By James E. Gunn (1923-2020; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; the SFE HERE; and the IMDb HERE).

First appearance: Rocket Stories, September 1953.

Illustration by Freas (1922-2005; ISFDb HERE).

Short story (13 pages as a PDF).

Online at Project Gutenberg (HERE).

   "He came to me from the stars, spewed out from his own world by his hates. I found him, I gave him all he could ask for, and I made him mine. But in the end, there was still his hate, and the killer drive within him . . . ."

WE should never forget that paradise always comes at a price—a steep price . . .

Principal characters:

~ Sam Newman, Fran, Bambi, and Louise.

References:

- "Jump" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "the G0-type sun" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "Parallel evolution?" (HERE; Wikipedia); also see (HERE; Alec J. Ott).

- "countless millions of parsecs" (HERE; Wikipedia).

- "Bambi" (HERE and HERE; Wikipedia).

Resources:

- Our story's basic situation reminds us of several, much later, TV show episodes (WARNING! SPOILERS! HERE, HERE, and HERE; Wikipedia).

- Our only other encounter with James E. Gunn was his "Private Enterprise" (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

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