"The Perfect Murder Had Been Tastefully Committed"

ANYBODY who ever made the mistake of accusing that enfant terrible of SFF Harlan Ellison of being a humorist to his face was just asking for it. Take, for example . . .

"Mourners for Hire."

(a.k.a. "We Mourn for Anyone . . .")

By Ellis Hart (Harlan Ellison, 1934-2018; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; the SFE HERE; and the IMDb HERE).

Illustrator unknown.

First appearance: Fantastic, May 1957.

Reprints page (ISFDb HERE).

Short story (15 pages).

Online at Archive.org (HERE).

(Note: Faded text.)

   "How in the world they ever got along, getting upset, wasting time, energy and emotion mourning their own dead, before the Guild, is something I’ll never understand . . ."

WHEN a man lets ambition and his bruised ego lead him to murder he still believes he can get away with it, just like Macbeth: "Stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires." Unfortunately for our killer, he lives in a society where "deep desires" can be all too obvious . . .

Principal characters:

~ Lisa ("Dead from a ninety-six storey fall"), Gordon Vernon ("looked infinitely sad for a moment"), Maurice Silvera ("They don’t think you regret Liz’s death enough"), the insulted ("brought his flamer up") and the insulter ("quivered slightly as the gun came to rest on a 

line with his stomach"), and Rance Sellman ("I’m challengin’ you. When, where, what weapons?"). 

Typos: "flambouyant"; "tarriff".

Neologisms:

Writers like Ellison who want the reader to feel immersed in their fictional (often futuristic) cultures usually pepper the story with new and exotic but seemingly appropriate terminology:

  plasteel - flamer - flitcab - Duelarama - stikplate - viewplate - Vodkatini - skyslit - ringwatch - dropshaft banks - servomeck - deskonsole - emoter - relaxers - scriptocheck - "louvre open" - incintray - "Nyork State" - ferramino-oxides.

References:

- Our author has organized his future society into one based on the code duello; see Wikipedia (HERE) and (HERE).

- "the Aldebaran" (HERE) "war"; also see (HERE) and (HERE).

Resources:

- Other stories involving duels include "The Puzzle Duel" (HERE), "Duello" (HERE), "Moon Duel" (HERE), "Dixon Hawke: The Case of the Duelling Pistols" (HERE), and "Tethers" (HERE).

- Our two previous encounters with Harlan Ellison were "Brillo" (HERE) and "Mystery at Mesa Flat" (possibly; HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's As Obvious As a Mole on the Neck of a Bob-Haired Girl"

BY the time today's story appeared, detective fiction had been around long enough for authors in the field to poke fun at it, Agatha Christie's lighthearted pastiches with Tommy 

and Tuppence being for-instances. Today's author really can't be considered a detecfic 

writer, however, and so you probably won't be too impressed when . . .

"Bill Dopes It Out."

By John H. Thompson (1890-1949).

First appearance: Argosy All-Story Weekly, September 24, 1927.

Short short short story (3 pages).

Online at The Luminist Archives (HERE; go to text page 476) and Wikimedia Commons (HERE).

(Note: Faded text.)

   "There wasn't that element of uncertainty and mystery which drags many a sordid crime to the front page."

THE circumstantial evidence speaks for itself: a murder weapon with the prime suspect's name written all over it and two wills, one cutting the p.s. out of his inheritance, and other incriminating events. Certainly the people of Torrington are convinced of it. The trouble is that circumstantial evidence has been known to speak with forked tongue . . .

Main characters:

~ Howard Hyatt ("the town's leading and wealthiest citizen"), Arthur Hyatt ("a happy-go-lucky chap who had resented an ultimatum that he go to work or be cut off without a bequest"), the butler ("went to bed early, leaving dim lights burning in the hallway and parlor"), the house-keeper ("rushed hysterically from the house and summoned the police"), the "watson" ("They ought to hang him right away"), and Bill ("You've read detective stories, haven't you?").

Reference:

- The word "dope" has found many uses; here it's used as a synonym for a scoop; see Wiktionary.org (HERE).

Resources:

- Our author: "Journalist, Newspaper Editor. Born in New York City, lived in Connecticut" (FictionMags data). He had a number of stories featuring characters named Bill:

  "Bill Meets the Widow," (ss) Flynn’s Weekly, November 20, 1926

  "Bill Dopes It Out," (ss) Argosy All-Story Weekly, September 24, 1927 (above)

  "Listen, Officer," (ss) Cabaret Stories, March 1929

  "Feeling Fine, Doctor" (ss) Argosy, April 6, 1929 (online HERE)

  "Bill’s Good Turn," (ss) Argosy, March 19, 1932

  "Good-by Carnival," (ss) Argosy, October 14, 1933

  "Cappers," (ss) Argosy, March 24, 1934

  "The Bet," (ss) Argosy, September 22, 1934.

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I've Always Been a Benefactor of Man, Not a Destroyer"

"Benefactor."

By George H. Smith (1922-96; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; and the SFE HERE).

First appearance: Fantastic Universe, August 1958.

Reprints page (ISFDb HERE).

Short short short story (3 pages as a PDF).

Online at Project Gutenberg (HERE).

   "We can anticipate that robots will be fiercely resented, at first, in a society that will see them as the latest—and an indestructible—widespread threat to the workers whom they will replace . . ."

"O God!" said King Henry, "that one might read the book of fate, and see the revolution of the times." A brilliant inventor is about to see a revolution and find out where he fits into the book of fate . . .

Principal characters:

~ Jacob Clark ("I'll tell them what I've done for them and make them understand"), Bill Towney ("they mean to kill you"), and the Guardians of the Shrine ("wanted to help him 

but they were very puzzled").

References:

- Two views about robots and unemployment from the United Nations (HERE) and M.I.T. (HERE).

Resources:

- You might wonder how the robot revolution could impact detectives; see "Brisk Money" (HERE) and "RAM Shift Phase 2" (HERE).

- George H. Smith has caught our attention several times: "The Undetected" (HERE), "Witness" (HERE), and "Paradox Lost" (HERE).

The bottom line:

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Class of '24

WHAT characters were hot in detective fiction 101 years ago? Today's author tells us while offering his own thumbnail descriptions:

Laurence Mack, "Most Famous Detectives in Fiction," T.P.'s and Cassell's Weekly, April 19, 1924. Also online (HERE).

While we're visiting 1924, here are a few other reviews of books that were released the same year:

Book online (HERE).

Book online (HERE).

Book online (HERE).

.

Wikipedia (HERE). Book online (HERE).

Wikipedia (HERE). Wikipedia book summary (Warning! Spoilers! HERE). Book online (HERE).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE: Richard Marsten's "End As a Robot"

Added an illo and a hotlink to SFFAudio (HERE).

"It Would Have Been a Wow of a Practical Joke, If There Hadn't Been Three Corpses Cluttering Up the Scenery"

"The Jabberwocky Murders."

By Fredric Brown (1906-72; Wikipedia HERE; the ISFDb HERE; the SFE HERE; the IMDb HERE; and Michael Grost's megasite HERE).

First appearance: Thrilling Mystery, Summer 1944.

Reprints (FictionMags data):

  Thrilling Mystery (Canada), January 1945

  Triangle Quarterly, Fall 1945

  5 Detective Novels Magazine, Winter 1951

  A Treasury of American Mystery Stories, 1989

  Miss Darkness, 2012.

Reprints page (ISFDb HERE).

Novelette (19 pages).

Online at The Luminist Archives (HERE; go to text page 11).

   "I turned around and looked out the window, and a car with two dead men in it went by. But I didn't know that . . ."

Segments:

ORDINARILY, Thursday nights in small-town America are relatively peaceful, but not this one. The inebriated editor of a weekly newspaper finds himself smack in the middle of a criminal conspiracy involving grand theft and murder, but it's not your garden-variety conspiracy. This one is replete with weirdness: a haunted house, a self-driving car, a problematic key, a little man who wasn't there, a teleporting revolver, a bottle that says "DRINK ME"—more than enough, the police believe, to put our editor firmly in the "prime suspect" category. He knows he'll have to solve this thing tout suite or they'll be coming for his head, "snicker-snack!" . . .

Main characters:

~ Doc Bagden ("Like all cynics who don't believe in haunted houses, I have a good deal of respect for them"), Jerry Klosterman ("rarely poked a wrong key"), Miles Harrison ("I could almost see his mind work"), Big Smiley Wessen ("But there ain't no bullets"), Alvin Carey ("I think he's a sneak"), Barnaby Jones ("He's a stuffed shirt and a miser and a prig"), Yehudi Smith ("The dim light from the street lamp back on the corner showed me a strange, pudgy little man"), Pete Lane ("pulled his hand out slowly with a revolver in it"), Harry Bates ("His shoes weren't tied"), and Walter Hanswert ("I went through it fast, from attic to cellar").

Typos: "a [should be as] phoney as that calling card"; "don by his knees".

References:

- "in Jabberwocky" (HERE).

- "the channels of the linotype" (HERE).

- "The Carmel City Courier is a weekly" (HERE).

- "Bing Crosby" (HERE) - "Dorothy Lamour" (HERE) "at the Alhambra".

- "Yehudi Menuhim, the violinist" (HERE and HERE).

- "To Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, known as Lewis Carroll" (HERE) "when in Wonderland" (HERE).

- "possibly even a lion or panther, escaped from a circus". (You mean like HERE?)

- "Freud" (HERE) "and James Joyce" (HERE).

- "in Curiosa Mathematica" (online HERE; some pages missing).

- "Liebnitz and Winton" (No idea.)

- "nested Chinese boxes" (HERE).

- "sounded like Einstein on a binge" (HERE).

- "a blur of sines and cosines" (HERE).

- "We are not clairvoyant" (HERE).

- "You are old, Father William" (HERE).

- "the John Tenniel illustrations of Alice in Wonderland" (HERE).

- "find the March Hare" (HERE) "or the Mock Turtle" (HERE).

- "ten-point Garamond" (HERE).

- "the handle of the rumble seat" (HERE).

- "the Queen wouldn't order their heads chopped off" (HERE).

- "a pinochle game" (HERE).

- "a bughouse" (HERE) "or a hoosegow" (HERE).

- "the Red Queen" (HERE).

- "carbozol" (We're thinking Brown might have made this up.)

Resources:

- Fredric Brown worked today's story into novel length a few years later as Night of the Jabberwock (1950), online (HERE; borrow only) and reviewed (HERE).

- One of ONTOS's earliest encounters with Brown's fiction was "Beware of the Dog" (HERE).

  And our latest is "See No Murder" (HERE; 2nd story).

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Guilty Kiss

HERE is another attempt at a perfect crime, this one in real life, that failed because of just one little thing:

  Shortly after five o'clock on Friday afternoon, July 1, 1938, Charles F. Butte entered his Seattle apartment and found his wife dead in bed, murdered.

  Within a few minutes detectives were at the scene. A bloodstained sheet covered the face of the woman. A rigid leg, protruding from the covering, indicated that rigor mortis had already set in. The apartment had been ransacked.

  “I didn't touch anything,” Butte informed the officials. “The only thing I did was to cover her with a sheet to hide her poor face.” He shuddered.

  Hardened detectives recoiled when they turned back the sheet. Mrs. Butte was not a pretty sight. Her head had been battered.

  Butte could offer little information. He had left the apartment early that morning while his wife was still in bed. They had planned to leave that afternoon on a holiday trip and she was to meet him at four o’clock at the bus terminal. Butte waited there for over an hour. He made several calls to his home but received no answer, and finally he returned to the apartment to see what was causing the delay. He told the officers that he and his wife had just become reconciled after an estrangement. The trip had been planned as a second honeymoon.

  Detectives were able to reconstruct the crime from the physical appearance of the apartment. The killer had entered after Butte left, surprised Mrs. Butte in bed and killed her to prevent any outcry. 

After the murder he ransacked the place.

  Butte’s story was checked as a matter of routine, and attendants at the terminal told how they had seen him waiting impatiently.

  The body was turned over to Dr. Gale W. Wilson, medical examiner for the coroner’s office. The physician glanced at the body and at the bloodstained sheet. He asked for Butte and was told the husband was at headquarters.

  “Good,” the M. E. replied.

  “Then you have the killer.”

  The startled sleuths smiled grimly at his explanation and left for the stationhouse. There, Butte was indignant. “What makes you think 

that I killed my wife?” he demanded, white-faced.

  “Because you told us,” was the unexpected reply. “You said that when you came home from the bus terminal and found your wife dead you covered her face with a sheet. She had been dead for hours by that time, yet we found the sheet bloodstained. You covered her all right, but at the time you killed her—a sheet does not absorb clotted blood.”

  Stunned by the sudden collapse of his perfect murder plot, Butte admitted killing his wife early that morning. He said that just before his wife died she looked up at him and asked him to kiss her. He leaned down and kissed her and, in that moment of twisted tenderness, pulled the sheet up over her face. For Butte it was a kiss of guilt, and he was sentenced to life imprison-ment.

 Edward D. Radin, "Kiss of Guilt," Cosmopolitan, June 1948 (online HERE).

"I Consider Him Sane"

HE doesn't really mean it, does he? And what about the self-confessed murderer?

      Ernest M. Poate, "Expert Testimony," Detective Story Magazine, September 16, 1919

      (also online HERE).

About the author:

- FictionMags thumbnails our author, Ernest Marsh Poate, this way: "Born on a ship in the Indian Ocean; died in Southern Pines, North Carolina; psychiatrist, attorney and author."

  The man was a writing machine, churning out dozens of stories for the pulps, primarily 

(but not exclusively to) Detective Story Magazine, creating three series characters: Doctor Bentiron (32 stories) writing under his own name, as well as Doctor Grimes (3 stories) and Doctor Krook (4 stories) writing as "Arthur Mallory"; see the Mystery*File article about that (HERE). 

  Other info: Wikipedia (HERE) and the ISFDb (HERE).

Unless otherwise noted, all bibliographical data are derived from The FictionMags Index created by William G. Contento & edited by Phil Stephensen-Payne.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~